


Standing By [Until You Need Me]

by lovqlyn



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Depression, Drugs, Eating Disorders, Gen, Graphic, Hargreeves Siblings - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Klaus Hargreeves Deserves Better, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Klaus Hargreeves Needs Help, Klaus Hargreeves-centric, M/M, Messed up themes, Non-Consensual, Prostitution, Protective Ben Hargreeves, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Subtle mentions of disorders, mature themes, more tags will be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-14 11:22:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovqlyn/pseuds/lovqlyn
Summary: Ben has always been there, constantly watching over his brother. He was always there, but he could never help in any physical way. Ben could never touch the other, could never hold him when he was broken and sobbing, could never fight for him when Klaus had needed someone to fight for him. Klaus was shattering and he needed someone to fix him.





	1. Alleyway Thinking

**Author's Note:**

> \- I haven’t written anything like this in a very long time so this may suck very badly. But I love these boys so much and I needed to write something or I would have been very mad at myself.

**_Ben’s Perspective -_  
**

When they were children, he could never help Klaus. He tried in his own way of course, and sometimes it would stop Klaus from thinking of the negative things for awhile. But the results were never long term, and before long Klaus was always back to his old ways.

Ben couldn’t blame him, he couldn’t blame him for being able to see the ghosts and he couldn’t blame him for having such an asshole for a father. Well, the fact that they shared a father kind of helped since they could both relate to things the other felt but otherwise, having Sir Reginald as a dad sucked. The man was constantly both idiotic and smart at the same time. Sir Reginald Hargreeves, the billionaire, was a great man, but that doesn’t mean he was a good one. When Ben was younger, he’d listen to the instructions he was given and didn’t question it. Now, he found it all to be so worthless and irritating.

But Klaus always made jokes about their inheritance and how he was going to be rich beyond belief though. That made Ben laugh.

Ben remembers though, he remembers how they were like as children. He remembers when Klaus was kind and loving, the other boy was still all those things now but it was different. The Klaus back then did it out of pure nature and intention, the Klaus now did it without thinking. Ben remembers how open Klaus used to be, how he didn’t have walls that were built with levels upon levels of concrete surrounding himself. The type of walls that other people didn’t know existed, people always thought Klaus was willing to spill his soul to anyone and everyone. Ben knew better, he knew he was the only one that was let into his brothers suffocating fortress.

He remembers the first time it happened, the first time that he witness Klaus starting to build these walls with his own two hands. He didn’t understand then but he tried to.

It was after Klaus disappeared for a whole weekend, they were eight at the time. Klaus was so excited, going on and on about how father finally trusted him enough to let him do things on his own. “Without big old number one around!”, the younger Klaus had told Ben. He was happy for his brother of course, he knew how desperate Klaus was for reassurance that he isn't useless. Ben knew that the boy needed constant reassurance, even then.

But when Klaus came back, with tear stains on his rounded cheeks and grime on his uniform. When Klaus returned home and looked at Ben with his sad, sorrowful eyes, something in Ben knew that his brother was calling out for him to help him. In his own special way. So that night, Ben had snuck out of his room. He was careful not to step on creaky floorboards and not to push on noisy doors. Ben had snuck to Klaus’s room enough times beforehand to memorize which floorboards didn’t make a sound if he were to step on them, and which floorboards would. Those were just the things you knew if you lived in that house, where everything he and his siblings did had to be done in complete and total secrecy.

When he walked inside of the room that night, he could see the folded figure of his brother, buried under plain sheets that would be dirtier if mother hadn’t washed them the day earlier. Ben could hear the other, he clearly wasn’t asleep. Klaus’s soft sobs and whispers pulled at his heartstrings, the sounds made him want to cry with the other. But at the time, Ben knew he had to be stronger. So without saying a word, he just pulled the blankets back by a little bit at a time, careful to make sure Klaus wasn’t cold or anything. Klaus was shaking under his touch, Ben didn’t want that. So he laid down besides the small boy and held his hand. That was enough.

Ben did that for about another hundred times before he died.

And when he did die, the first thing he had thought about was how Klaus was going to react. He knew deep down that his other siblings would be fine, they would all get over it soon enough. Even if it took them a few weeks or so. But to be honest, he knew that Klaus wouldn’t get over it. That sounds bad, Ben knows that. But he knows that Klaus was also dependent on him and a part of Ben knows that he likes that Klaus is so entirely vulnerable to him. Klaus was sharing brain cells with Ben after all, without him there, who could possibly be Klaus’s voice of reason? Turns out no one could, judging by how the events turned out.

It was odd really, being at his own funeral and watching them lower his dead body down into a pile of dirt. It was especially weird since him and Klaus were making awkward eye contact for the entire duration of the funeral. Klaus had a major freak out when he first saw Ben, but he gradually calmed down. It was easier, Ben thought, since Klaus knew that he didn’t need to be scared by Ben unlike the other ghosts that haunted him.

After the funeral though, that was when the drugs started.

Which is really how Ben ended up in this current situation about ten years later. He was leaning against a large green garbage container, the smell would have bothered him if it weren't for the fact that he was used to be the smell of trash since he constantly had to follow his still alive but homeless brother around. Strangely enough, ghosts could smell things but not as well as people could. Which he thought was weird but Ben was just glad that he could even smell or see at all. Being dead wasn’t as horrible as he had thought it would be and after years of being dead, he was pretty used to it. Beats not being in the living world at all.

But even though Ben couldn’t see his brother, he could hear the sounds the other was making very clearly in this silent part of the city. He could hear the sound of skin slapping against skin and he could hear the groans and moans his brother was making. It made Ben extremely uncomfortable, but it’s not like he could just leave his brother.

Well he could, but he prefers not to.

Ben sighed loudly, hating how he could hear the unfamiliar man who Klaus was sucking off degrading his brother. Calling him things like slut and whore, which didn’t seem to bother Klaus but Ben hated to hear it.

“Are you almost done?”, he said into the darkness before he heard a disturbing voice that he didn’t know growl loudly. Ben quickly stood up from his spot behind the garbage, he could hear the sound of someone spitting and Ben could only imagine what Klaus was spitting out right now. It made him want to gag just thinking about it.

Then he saw Klaus come into his line of vision, and a dark shady figure walking away from Klaus and back into the darkness of the alleyway. His brothers silhouette was almost skeletal in the darkness and Ben knew why. It wasn’t like they could afford to put Klaus on a healthy diet when they were in the financial situation that they were in right now. It’s also not like the drugs help either. Klaus’s clothes made him look less frail and skinny but Ben knew that it wasn’t fooling anyone. His brother was just a walking skeleton now.

“You know you shouldn’t do that, right Klaus? Doing these things with strangers aren’t going to help you in the long run and I don’t like it when you do it either. I don’t like how they degrade you.”, he muttered from underneath his breath though it was loud enough for his brother to hear. He knew that no matter what he said, Klaus probably wouldn’t care. Hell, Ben could feel Klaus’s eye roll without even looking at him. He heard a huff come from the other boy before Klaus proceeded to run before him and walk backwards, facing Ben. Klaus stuck his tongue out in a kindergarten teasing sort of way before stopping dead in his tracks. [get it? dead?]

“No offense mein bruder, but I wouldn’t personally take self-care advice from a dead guy.”

Ben smiled, “No offense taken.”

“On the bright side, look at what I got, Benny! A whole thirty dollars and precious pills!”, Klaus seemed beyond excited despite the fact that those dollars probably couldn’t even get them a place to sleep for the night. But his brother was the happiest he’d seen him all day so he just gave a nod and a reassuring smile.

“Do you even know what those pills are, Klaus?”, Ben asked with a raised eyebrow as the pair continued to walked down the sidewalk together. He didn’t care if someone heard Klaus talking to him, they were practically alone in the street and anyone that was here at this time of night was probably off of their rocker as well anyways. Klaus just shrugged before shoving the bag of broken up pills into his coat pocket, a lopsided smile on his face as he did so. “What are you even going to spend that money on?”, Ben questioned as he looked over at his brother.

“Brother dearest, we are going to find a lovely five star convenience store and ask for their finest frozen waffles.”, was the answer he received. There was a moment of silence before he let out a laugh, and Klaus was quick to follow suit in this bout of laughter. Everything wasn’t fine, and Ben knew he would need to work harder if he was going to help Klaus get sober and all. But for right now, frozen waffles from five star convenience stores were good enough for the both of them.


	2. Pills as Payment [For Your Services]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus needed drugs so badly and is going through withdrawal. Without Ben’s presence there to guide him and help him, Klaus makes bad decisions and gets himself in a situation that he was all too familiar with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- Just a warning that this might be extremely disturbing to some people, I don’t support any of this in real life and would never wish for the events in this story to happen to anyone! To be honest, I really suck at dialogue that fits with a character’s personality so if Klaus feels off then that’s why. I also didn’t have anyone to read it over except for myself so if I missed any mistakes, please tell me so in the comments so I can fix it!

_**Klaus’s Perspective -** _

He was going to have a breakdown if he didn’t get his hands on some drugs like right now. Scheiße did it suck so much, Klaus felt dizzy almost in a way and he could feel himself start to get hotter under these thick layers of clothes. He needed to find some pills, something strong _and_ fast. He’d lost his stash last night when he was sleeping, it was in his pocket before he woke up but was gone the moment the sun rose. He remembered yelling at Luther for taking away his cocaine and pills, he also remembered Luther saying something about how it was going to help Klaus in the long run. Klaus had tried to contact his trusted dealers, he really tried, he tried harder than he’d ever tried before and yet it was like they all had just fallen off the map.

 

Klaus walked past a little boy, bleeding from his head down to the floor without even batting an eye. The kid wasn’t crying or screaming, and he was too focused on the main goal to look at a ghost that wasn’t yelling at him. A ghost not wanting his attention was very rare, not that they liked him or anything, just because he was the only one they could talk to. Literally. He thought they could talk to other ghosts too, but Klaus knew they would rather talk to someone in the living who could potentially help them rather than have group therapy with a bunch of other dead and bleeding freaks.

 

But here he was, heels stomping on puddles and concrete as his eyes frantically looked around for anyone that looked like they might have something for sale. In a situation like this, Ben might’ve said something encouraging. Something along the lines of ‘this is the first step to your road of recovery, don’t fuck it up with heroin or whatever!’, maybe even a ‘how would your siblings feel if they saw you like this’. Though the latter was only when the other felt extra angsty. But he didn’t know where Ben was.

 

Ben sometimes left, he didn’t know if Ben did this on purpose or not. If he did it on purpose, Klaus wouldn’t be mad even if he felt sad about it. He understood that his brother deserves so much better than a messed up druggie like him, his brother needed time to himself sometimes. He deserves that. Klaus would always find himself suddenly looking at Ben again when the other would reappear, he never asked where the other went or if the other went purposely. He would always get distracted by Ben’s rambling of apologies for being gone for so long anyways so no time to remember any important questions.

 

Ben was never gone for longer than a few hours, though there was that one singular time where he was gone for a whole three days and Klaus freaked out. Ben freaked out too, but Klaus just thought that maybe he needed to learn how to haunt people better. When you haunt someone, you stay with them at all times. Isn’t that how it works?

 

Anyways, Klaus needed drugs and Klaus needed them now. Just something he could smoke, something he could pop in his mouth, something he could snort. Just something that would give him euphoria and would stop the group of bleeding old grandmas from following around, begging him to help them. He wasn’t a miracle worker, apparently some guy smashed their faces with their canes but he couldn’t fix that whole mess. And trust him, their faces were like broken and mushed up mud pies that children make for their parents when it was raining outside. But just with a lot more blood.

 

He scanned the area as he continued to walk, his eyes adjusted to the new darkness as the sun began to set. He groaned loudly, rubbing his hands against his face. But as if god had heard his prayers herself, [Klaus recently learned that god did not like him very much and was a prepubescent girl] he saw a figure standing next to a wall covered in graffiti. Klaus smiled, his spirits lifted now that he knew he was finally able to get high.

 

“Hello there good sir!”

 

The figure turned, revealing a buff man about twice Klaus’s size, which honestly wasn’t surprising. It was like every drug dealer went to the gym, he wondered if they all talked about how much money they got or if their children got an A+ in school or not. He wonders if they go to the same gym as Diego, how many gyms could there be in one city? Buff guys like hanging out with each other right?

 

“What do you sell, buddy?”, klaus asked as he tiptoed his way closer to the guy. the dude wasn’t bad looking, he was all tatted up and had high cheekbones and everything. Klaus was getting some fucking strange vibes though that was with every drug dealer, Klaus himself knew that he had some weird vibes too. The vibes that sort of just scream ‘stay away’, though maybe that was because Klaus looked shady. He also looked very gay but that was a whole nother topic entirely that didn’t need to be thought about right now. Klaus had more pressing matters at hand.

 

The guy walked closer to Klaus and lit a cigarette, the way he stared at Klaus made him slightly uncomfortable but he was used to feeling that way now that he’d spent so much time on the streets. The dude took the cigarette out of his mouth for a second, “Molly, R2, liquid X, angel dust, vitamin K, basically everything.”

 

That made Klaus’s face light up, it made his heartbeat speed up in excitement at the thought of being high out of his mind. But that thought was quickly shot down before he realized that he had ran out of money when he bought waffles last night for him and Ben. Klaus of course didn’t eat all the waffles himself, Ben had had a few pieces too. Klaus wasn’t selfish with his food, he didn’t want Ben to starve; that would make him a horrible brother. [Klaus sometimes forgets that Ben is dead, it’s easier to pretend that his brothers still alive sometimes.]

 

“shit-”, Klaus muttered before getting a knowing look from the bigger man next to him. Klaus put his hands into his pockets, first to search for any spare change but then he started to slowly shake them, wondering how he was going to get the drugs he so desperately needed.

 

“What’s your name, boy?”, the deep and rough voice surprised Klaus as it got him out of his thoughts. Boy? He doesn’t even remember the last time someone had called him that. Men sometimes called him that during sex but that hasn’t happened in quite awhile, father would call him boy. But when father called him boy, it wasn’t very affectionate. The whole affection thing was probably just because his father was a jackass and not because Klaus was actually a horrible kid or anything. Klaus knew he was actually pretty fucking tame before the whole death and ghosts thing became more prominent. Oh and let’s not forget about the _drugs_.

 

“Klaus, how about you mister?”, he said quickly, not necessarily understanding why the man had bothered to ask. Names don’t matter on the streets, Klaus still doesn’t know how to pay at this point, though he almost instantly regrets telling the guy his name. He usually told people his name was Kurt, close enough to Klaus but not quite right and German enough to still be an accurate representation of Klaus as a person.

 

The guy seemed to have to completely stopped listening to Klaus as he just stared at him. The way the man was staring at him was familiar to Klaus, it was the way the men in clubs would stare at him. It was how others looked at him when they were fucking him and he was crying, the look was very familiar. “Micheal, though that doesn’t matter. Ya know what Klaus, you have a pretty face.”

 

Klaus definitely knew where this was going now, but he didn’t want to. Not today, he didn’t want to be used today. But he didn’t have a choice, Klaus could offer a blow-job. He was used to offering dealers blow-jobs for drugs or blow-jobs for money and sometimes even full blown sex but sex was too much for him right now. He didn’t know how to explain it, but Klaus just knew it wasn’t something he wanted to do.

 

“How about a blow-job, big guy, I’ll give it to you real good!”, he smiled sleazily. It was only one blow-job, one blow-job and Klaus would get something to forget that it ever happened.

 

Mike or Michael seemed discontent with that though and Klaus felt a feeling of dread in his stomach. He was going to have to find another guy that would give him drugs then, since a blow-job wasn’t enough for this guy. He sighed heavily before beginning to walk away, though he jumped slightly when he felt a hand grip his wrist. The guy was holding on too hard, Klaus was confused, why wasn’t the dude letting him go?

 

“Where are you going? A quick fuck and I’ll give you something good, Klaus.”, Mike said before he threw his previously lit cigarette in the ground before smashing it with his boot. Klaus instantly regretted giving the guy his name again and for good reason this time. His name sounded crude coming out of this strangers mouth and Klaus was shaking his head quickly. “I don’t do fucks, now fucking let go asshole!” Klaus practically yelled before he was thrown towards the wall, his back slamming into freshly painted graffiti. That hurt like hell, but Klaus’s heart sped up and his mind was racing. He knew what was about to happen, this has happened before.

 

“Don’t call me a fucking asshole, you whore.”, was the last thing he heard before a mouth was over his own and all he could taste was the others saliva. It was bitter and rancid. Klaus pushed the other off of him and tried to run before he was pushed back onto the concrete wall again, a moan of pain escaping him. Klaus heard a deep chuckle, “Just a quick fuck, you’ll love it.”

 

Then something was put into his mouth, the sharp flavor coating his tongue and melting away. The world was becoming hazy, the harsh breathing of the other man was becoming static to his ears, his limbs felt so heavy and yet so light. Then he felt hands, rough and dry hands rubbing and touching and squeezing and hands. Hands touching him in places he didn’t want to be touched, hands that tugged at fabric and hands that explored certain crevices. “You’ll love it, they all love it by the end. It’ll feel better than the drugs, babe.”, the words were whispered into his ears and Klaus didn’t want to hear anymore. Klaus had tears building up in his eyes, he thought that the last time this happened it would be the last time. When was the last time again? Oh right, it was a few weeks  _ago._  But of course, luck was not in his court. Though it was more of an occupational hazard more than anything.

 

So he closed his eyes and stopped thinking about the hands. He thought about other things instead.

 

Where was Ben? Why wasn’t Ben here? Why did Ben leave him? He didn’t think that he wanted Ben to see this, Ben had seen it last time and Klaus didn’t know if he wanted Ben to see it happen again. Where did Ben go though, where did he go when he wasn’t with Klaus? His brother was dead, so was there a place the dead went when Klaus wasn’t around? Of course there had to be, or maybe Ben was wondering around a museum somewhere and having fun. Maybe ghosts group therapy clubs actually existed, like one of those alcoholic group therapy things. Maybe they were all sharing stories of how they died, Klaus met a guy who wanted Klaus to go into his house and throw away a block of soap since the guy had slipped and broken his skull because of it. All Klaus knew was that Ben wasn’t here and maybe he needed Ben here but Klaus didn’t want him here.

 

This alleyway was horrible, all alleyways were even if they had beautiful art on their cold and uninviting concrete walls. The smells were putrid, and the ground was wet with the mornings rain that hadn’t yet evaporated. It had been pouring the last few days and Klaus had stayed at the academy, it’s not like poor old dad was there to yell at him anymore and it’s not like Luther could kick him out. But as soon as the rain stopped, Klaus was out of there. He wished he had stayed a little longer, he wished he hadn’t left a few hours earlier, he wished he would have waited till morning. It was Klaus’s fault really, he was the one who decided that it was smart to go down this alleyway, the one who decided to say something seductive to some dealer he didn’t even recognize. Klaus also doesn’t remember fighting back or necessarily saying no, so he thought it was his own fault, naturally.

 

And with that thought, the rough hands were gone and the pain was gone. Klaus didn’t move though, he let himself drop down to the disturbingly wet and slippery ground. He opened his eyes for the first time in what felt like twenty minutes. It was darker now than it had been, all he could see was Mikes legs and how the other was pulling up his pants. Though the pain was now gone, the ache was still there and Klaus winced as he tried to move to a more comfortable sitting position.

 

“You were so fucking loud, I knew that you were a slut.”

 

Was he making noises? Klaus hadn’t realized that he was saying anything or making sounds at all. Had anyone heard him, Klaus didn’t think anyone did since no one came to see. Though he wouldn’t be surprised if someone had heard him and had just chose to ignore Klaus’s cries. Klaus felt a hand ruffle his grown out hair. He proceeded to feel something being thrown on him, looking down he could see that it was a bunch of blue oblong pills. Payment for his services.

 

Then he saw the other man walk away, his figure disappearing as the guy turned into the next corner. Klaus waited a second before he stood up, carefully and slowly. He gripped onto the bricks of the wall as if that would provide any support and grabbed his discarded shirt and jacket that were thrown on the ground. Klaus pulled up his pants and breathed in harshly as he touched a bruise on his wrist. Why the hell had the guy had to fucking hold on so hard. He shook his head before putting his black shirt back on and tying the jacket around his waist.

 

And Klaus would be lying if he said he didn’t take the pills with him, he’d also be lying if he said that he wasn’t going to go back to the academy to cry about his problems in the bathtub.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, I wanted to get it out by Monday of last week but schoolwork and life got in the way. Subscribe to get emails when I update, kudos and comments are extremely appreciated as well!
> 
> \- Scheiße means fuck/crap/shit in German! [according to google translate!]


End file.
